i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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