i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
