That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
