i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
