Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
