I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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