Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
