my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
