My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
