A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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