so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
