You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
