Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His hands were made for my vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
