you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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