If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
