will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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