I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
