When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
