seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
