That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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