Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
