Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
