I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
