Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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