some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
