In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
