I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
