ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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