So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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