The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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