How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
