Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
