its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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