What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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