I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize