She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
