:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
