ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
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