There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
