i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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