she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
