I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
