I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
