i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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