one might say we're banned from that church
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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