Where are you?
In a non slutty way
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
