Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
