the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
