just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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