I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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