She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
