whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
