Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
