All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
