I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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