Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The air was thick with penises
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
