sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
