Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
