Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
