I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
