You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize