Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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