i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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