apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
