i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
