he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
