were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
