R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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