I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
