Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Will exercising make me less horny?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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