I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
