sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
