my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
