I cannot find my penis.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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