She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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