hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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