I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she told me i tasted like america
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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