just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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