Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
